As If Loss Never Took Place

Worried Girl, Woman, Waiting, Sitting

Perhaps you have had a miscarriage, or a stillbirth, or an abortion, or do you have a child with special needs, or have you ever suffered abuse? Statistics indicate Satellite Beach Bat Removal covers a large proportion of the population.

Please, there is no need to self-identify, because most who have suffered many things but do not don’t hesitate to share what they feel they haven’t completely dealt with.

The problem here is much of grief cannot readily be spoken about. It leaves the common person feeling uncomfortable, besides the fact that the grieving person doesn’t want to expose themselves emotionally unnecessarily. It is easier in many ways to deny what is plainly evident; to just keep moving forward.

The future can often stay clouded by it.

Another matter can be raised:

The initial loss event isn’t always

The most traumatic part of grief.

I know so many people who were not so much traumatised by their first loss experience, but were actually traumatised more by how they were dealt with, whether it be the clich├ęd opinions from folks who should know better, or by a response or lack of response from people they had come to trust.

Sometimes it’s the stress within the family environment which causes the family to implode. Things said in the heat of the moment, or maybe something well intended but poorly communicated. Tenuous relationships become fractured because smaller more tolerable conflicts that happened in the past, but weren’t dealt with, show preexisting cracks inside the relationship.

Whether it be the internal conflict

Of not being able to reconcile the loss,

Or external conflicts due to misunderstandings,

And often a combination of them.

Add to this, battle we can have with God –

That He could’let’ something like this happen!

There’s a silence in grief that’s deafening in its harrowing quietude. So many people suffer in silence. So many people cannot get the healing that they could do with. And so many households continue on that winding road of dysfunction because truths of reality can’t be spoken of as truths of expertise.

Somehow there’s grief, and quite a lot of it, that can’t be discussed or expressed or processed. Sometimes people would engage in counselling, but are put off by the cost, whether it be financial or psychological or time or other.

My spouse and I are presently preparing to present in a Silent Grief conference where the focus is on exactly this topic: the grief that’s not generally spoken about. The grief we’re expected to proceed from. The form of grief that does not rate much of a mention because it’s so comparatively common, or worse, because there’s profound shame attached to it.

It is precious in our view

That we’ve had the experience

of losing Nathanael.

We never wanted to lose him,


We truly saw God moves in many, many ways, not least by the prayers of the faithful, and the testimony of our faith at the time, even as we witnessed it in ourselves.

We saw that God used Nathanael’s life,

Even though he never breathed outside the womb.

And yet, just like you perhaps, I somehow feel guilty for speaking about it too much, despite the fact that that hasn’t stopped me. I keep thinking that people are thinking,’Gee, is he still going on about that?’ I know some folks will be thinking that.

But There’s no overriding drive in me to think for the needs of the woman and man who need space for their voice; those who want to be heard; or just those who need to be acknowledged:

We wish to say, your grief matters.

That it is incredibly significant.

That you are allowed to feel gutted,

even years or decades on.

And, that you’re permitted to feel recovered.

We never need to suffer in silence, but inevitably we do, because this world thrives on success stories and doesn’t seem to like stories with a bad ending. There is an exception to this, of course, once the bad ending can be redeemed. And that’s the reason grief has to be a subject we can speak about, because processing our despair is the best way to redeem what God has for us because we have suffered.

Grief needs space to be discussed, where the grieving are validated for nevertheless they process their grief. There are no wrong or right ways for managing the truth in our grief.

The grieving person needs to hear that it is normal to grieve, just as it is normal for the sting of loss can not completely diminish, and that it takes courage to find open emotionally.

They must also hear that there’s hope beyond the intensity and immensity of despair; that loss is an integral part of the growth procedure.

As if we do not care,

give it a voice,

Make room to share.

Grief so bold,

Reveals God’s grace,

That gives us a choice.

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